People come to coaching generally because they want to ‘achieve’ something. They want to be able to do something bigger, better, essentially build a shinier life.
It gets wrapped up in different ways:
Step into my ’true potential’
Find my purpose
Achievement of an extraordinarily long list of goals
Build the multi-million dollar business
Create more impact – which sounds worthy but honestly so often is coming from ego
I’ve been coaching long enough now, particularly high achievers to see that when we are finally prepared to pause and get quiet (which is rare) we can see that so much of what we are striving for is coming from a place of fear and expectation.
Everyone has a story. Sometimes it’s traumatic, sometimes it’s not. Often the most successful people have had their fair share of trauma.
Whatever the story, an often, subconscious decision is made, usually at some point in childhood.
‘I am never going to let xyz happen again’
‘I will never rely on anyone again. I will do this alone’
‘I will build a bullet proof empire and financial success so I will never be vulnerable again’
The expectations that then get put on ‘success’ to make people feel ok, loved, worthy’ are extraordinary.
Expectations get layered onto the career/money, wife/husband/partner, child, house, body image to MAKE them happy.
Or you build all this, and you expect it to make your partner or children happy.
Or you are trying to live up to the expectations that others have of you.
Honestly – it’s the reason there are so many unfulfilled people and unhappy relationships underneath the facade it all being fine to the external world.
The more you build from this place the greater the disappointment when you realise your expectations can’t be met. It’s why those with the shiny lives plastered all over the magazines experience such deep unhappiness – they’ve worked so hard to build the success and then are still left with an empty feeling or relationships fall apart.
The energy and sacrifice it takes to build the big shiny life to protect you from the fear of not being ok…..is burning people out left right and centre.
The more that is built from a place of expectation that it will have you be ‘ok’ the further you are moving away from the truth.
Your sense of wellbeing, happiness, worthiness is nothing to do with anything external to you.
The truth is, wellbeing, inner peace and happiness is your natural state as a human being.
When you get out of the way of trying to achieve that, you’ll see it and experience it for yourself. The more you rest in your natural state, the more clarity you experience and effortless life becomes. The result – you get real clarity as to what you truly desire and your purpose, not from a place of needing to fix anything, which is completely different.
From this energy, life unfolds in a way that you couldn’t make happen if you tried.